Flashbacks

Lately I have been getting a lot of flashbacks of my time in the hospital.  I don't know why.  A couple of  weeks ago when I was on the plane to and from Hong Kong, I adjusted my seat to recline. That very moment reminded me of the hospital bed.  I used to recline my bed upwards to a sitting position and recline it downward to a sleeping position all day long. That was the only way I could get up and off bed because I had no strength to do it by myself.  Then last Thursday when I brought Sarah to the doctor's for her fevers, the smell of the hand sanitizer at the office also gave me a flashback of my hospital stay. Various doctors and nurses would come into my room everyday on the hour and the first thing they did was to use the hand sanitizer.  So I could sniff that scent a mile away!  Just this last Saturday, I sat on the sofa and looked out the window at a sunny skies.  Again, I had a sudden flashback of the time when I was in the hospital, sitting on the sofa outside the lobby on the 6th floor, gazing out the window at the blue sky...wondering how nice it would be to leave there and go home...

During that period, I didn't write/blog at all.  I wasn't in the mood to document my progress or my feelings, not to mention a good portion of my time I was physically unable to write.  I did tweet though, mainly to my family, of my progress. Here are some of the tweets:

• In hospital right now. Thanks bontee for taking care of Sarah 10:22 AM Jun 13th, 2010

• still waiting for cultures. I can't leave until I can hold my fever down for 24 hrs which has not been possible Monday, June 14, 2010 1:19:50 PM
• 3 people tried and still can't get an IV into my arm. I have skinny veins. Always a problem Monday, June 14, 2010 11:59:00 PM 
• So the lab results of the bacteria the docs thought I had turned back negative. It's something else. The question is what is it???? Tuesday, June 15, 2010 12:18:59 AM
• Finally got the IV in after the 4th try Tuesday, June 15, 2010 12:19:28 AM
• Swelling is not just limited to the feet. My entire leg is swollen Tuesday, June 15, 2010 12:20:40 AM 
• Now I have redness on my tummy. It's one thing after another... :*-( Tuesday, June 15, 2010 10:31:16 AM 
• in room 6315 Saturday, June 19, 2010 7:20:53 PM 
• CT scan shows more drainage needed on left side. Will really position tube tomorrow Monday, June 21, 2010 12:14:21 PM
• White blood cell count is climbing again, which means body is trying to fight yet another bacteria :-( Monday, June 21, 2010 12:33:05 PM
• Is it a bad sign when there is a bacteria inside me that even the Chief of Infectious diseases can't figure out what it is. Monday, June 21, 2010 1:00:35 PM
• The 7cm abscess did not drain as expect. IR will try to reposition drain tomorrow. Abscess very hard to get to. Monday, June 21, 2010 8:00:05 PM
• It's in front of a major artery vein. If IR doctor has no confidence that it's possible, then I have to do surgery again (cut me open) Monday, June 21, 2010 8:01:49 PM
• Doctor describes surgery as "morbid" and high risk. I don't know what to think anymore Monday, June 21, 2010 8:03:07 PM
• Doctors couldn't drain out the really hard abscess near the artery vein. Now they need to access whether if antibiotics can take care of it Tuesday, June 22, 2010 6:25:12 PM
• Need to wait 4days b4 next drain check.. Good progress means no fever & no high white blood cell, which means body not fighting infection. Tuesday, June 22, 2010 10:18:59 PM
• Going to IR today at 3pm. Pray that they are able to get that hard to reach abscess out. Pray pray pray!! Friday, June 25, 2010 2:50:43 PM
•  Fever still not under control. Woke up with a temp of 101.4 Saturday, June 26, 2010 9:30:42 AM
• stomach is still very tight and swollen. dr will monitor thru-out the nite to see if tummy softens. ct shows no add'l abscess. Monday, June 28, 2010 3:59:05 PM
• whte cell count is higher, body trying to fight something. fluid in the lungs. no action plans yet other than close monitor. clear diet only Monday, June 28, 2010 4:00:05 PM
• not passing gas means bowels are still irritated, causing stomach to be tight. feel more energized today from blood transfusion yesterday Monday, June 28, 2010 4:01:40 PM
• Tummy still very hard and swollen today. No gas. Never knew farting is so important. Tuesday, June 29, 2010 6:52:40 AM
• Today complete rest of bowel, cannot drink any fluid at all, will be on IV. .. on boy Wednesday, June 30, 2010 7:13:34 AM
• It's like reliving my icu days and restarting my entire recovery process all over again! Wednesday, June 30, 2010 7:15:11 AM
• may need to put another drain to clear fluid under lungs. Bowels still not moving, may need to insert tube thru nose to pull gas fr stomach Wednesday, June 30, 2010 1:02:56 PM
• Woke up with a 102.8 fever two days in a row. Takes about 3 hours to get bk to nrml temp aftr tylenol. Dunno what's causing the fevers Saturday, July 03, 2010 12:03:02 PM
• On clear liquid diet only. Juice just doesn't cut it. I'm still starving! Hunger pain is the hardest to bear Saturday, July 03, 2010 12:09:14 PM 
• I did not have a good day today. Fevers, nausea, and outright miserable. Just don't feel good. Saturday, July 03, 2010 8:44:27 PM 
• God please oh please get me out of this misery and let me feel better Sunday, July 04, 2010 12:40:02 AM
• I AM GOING HOME TODAY! Wednesday, July 07, 2010 12:04:23 PM      

When I get the random flashbacks and scenes from this dark period of my life, I realize how far I've been. Only time will eventually erase my memories. Just glad that it's all over now...