38 weeks

Today marks 38 weeks into my pregnancy. Exactly 2 weeks before my estimated due date! Sometimes I feel like I am no where near - but there are times when I feel like Baby girl will come out anytime now. Like most people, I have mixed feelings. I am excited, scared, nervous, ready, unprepared...all at the same time. Certain moments, I feel how wonderful it would be to cradle my baby - then in a switch of thought, I am sad that my independence is about to end soon. I guess all these mixed emotions are normal, at least from the articles I've been reading online. I just hope I can get through the childbirth process, that's what scares me the most.

Daycare Stress

When my sister told me a year ago that she enrolled her baby boy at her Company-sponsored daycare center for $1500/month, I thought she was insane. In fact, I think I said it out loud. You crazy? $1500? WTH?

Fast forward to today and I have a total different mentality now that I am on the hunt for a good daycare. I visited a few downtown daycare centers and absolutely loved the environment. The pick up / drop off convenience / close proximity to work is only one thing - I love the fact that the centers give the kids tons of space and a lot of personal care and attention. For infant care, the ratio is 1 adult to 3 infants. They custom-tailor the infant's day using the same routine you set forth so there is continuity. They give you a progress report everyday (how long are the naps, how much they ate, when they pooped, etc). They bring the kids out to an outdoor area to get fresh air. All the instructors are CPR-certified and the center has fire/earthquake and emergency plans for evacuation. They don't let the kids watch TV because they don't have any. Instead they read to the infants, let them develop motor skills and stimulate their senses. They have everything I look for in a perfect daycare!! So what's the cost of all this greatness? $2000/month!!! $2000 and more insanely, I am totally willing to pay this!

Yes, you're allowed to call me insane and call me crazy. But here's the catch ... even though I'm willing to shell out the dough, I am on a long wait list!! Most centers have at least a 1-year to 2 year wait. That's that craziest part. You almost have to sign up before you get pregnant!! Silly, isn't it? Given all this, I know my chances of getting into these daycare centers in the near future are NONE - Not "probably" none, not "practically" none.... absolutely NONE, period. I will have to look for a family daycare during the interim. Hopefully I'll get lucky and find someone loving to take care of my baby girl.

A 7-1/2 pound baby?

My carefree over-eating habits are finally catching up with me! Since the start of my 2nd trimester, my appetite for food increased drastically. I was eating bigger and bigger portions and still getting hungry often. I didn't care much about it - I never really calorie counted and love to eat whatever, whenever. Hot chocolate, yogurt, hamburgers, mid-day McDonalds runs, all the greasy stuff - you name it - I probably ate it.

But now, 32 weeks into my pregnancy, I've gained 27 lbs (7 in the past 4 weeks), still with 8 more weeks to go. The ideal weight gain for the entire pregnancy is 25 mind you. I've not only exceeded that 25 lbs in 32 weeks, I'm probably due to put on additional pounds in the next 2 months. Although I don't feel like I have such a big tummy compared to others, I've grown a lot. Yesterday my doctor measured my tummy and I was 1 cm more than normal. She gave me an estimate that at the rate I'm going, I will have a 7-1/2 lb baby!! Ok, that totally FREAKS ME OUT. I'm already scared enough of this whole childbirth process...imagine if I have a big baby, how much more painful it will be!

Starting now - cut, cut, cut calorie in-take! No more sweet stuff, no more junk food! I can do this!

Baby preparation - so behind!

I know that it's absolutely contradicting that I am employed as a Retail Planner at work but when it comes to personal things, I am a true procrastinator at heart. I am now pregnant at 30 weeks, and have done absolutely NOTHING to prepare for baby girl's arrival. Nothing. OK, maybe 2 things...

(1) I did sign up for some child birth preparation classes with Kaiser on Friday. Due to the schedules of the classes offered, I actually won't be taking some classes until late May. Sure hope that baby girl doesn't come early, at least not before the classes. Otherwise, it would be just lovely - an unprepared, first-time clueless mother trying to "wing it." You can imagine how that would go.

(2) I started gathering hand-me-downs of baby equipment from my sister. It wasn't really my initiative of course (because yeah, I'm not that good at planning ahead). My sister just started to bring over a whole bunch of infant things that her son has no longer use for. She obviously desperately want to clean up her place. So my bedroom downstairs is now 1/2 filled with baby "stuff." I still have not gone through what I actually got. I'm sure even if I did, I wouldn't know what it's used for, or how to use it. It's interesting to see how expansive the baby industry is - my gosh - there is a gadget for everything!!

I think my procrastination stems from pure laziness...Maybe the 4 weeks off I'm planning to take before my due date have something to do with it! Speaking about maternity leave, I realized that I only have 6 more weeks of work left before I go on my leave....holy crap! That's really not too far away!

Blankie for Baby Girl

I don't know why I had the sudden urge to be crafty all of a sudden. One Saturday a few weeks ago, I decided I wanted to crochet a blanket for Baby Girl. I walked into Beverly's and bought some yarn - pink and white ones of course. So I excitedly started on the project the same day and then came to regret it only after a couple of hours! It actually takes me about 20-30 minutes to crochet 1 row. So you can imagine after a few rows, I questioned when will I ever finish this blankie?? Hopefully before Baby Girl arrives! I learned how to crochet back in college but I haven't really continued it ever since. So I was a bit rusty but thank goodness for You Tube! It was so easy to find videos on You Tube showing how the different stitches were done. It beats having to figure out the stitches with some black and white drawings!!


So every night after dinner when I had some "free time," I would crochet a couple of rows. Unfortunately I can't do much more than that just because my hands get really tired (don't want to get carpal tunnel!) But alas, my patience & work paid off.... here is the finished blanket for Baby Girl!! It measures about 36 inches wide and 48 inches long - Pink & white stripes and in the waffle pattern with white edging...now Baby Girl can be cozy and warm!

Life differences

I find life being pregnant and not pregnant roughly about the same so far. In fact, sometimes I forget that I'm pregnant, especially during the morning when I'm half awake. I think I'm just fat and have a big belly. Prior to my pregnancy, I've just gained some weight in my tummy area due to me sitting all day in the office & the lack of exercise. So I still think that it's my fat belly that sticking out. At work, sometimes I spring out of my chair to get my print jobs and then I feel a slight pain from the sudden move...that's how I get reminded.

I am having a harder time sleeping at night though. I used to be able to sleep soundly throughout the night, but not anymore. I wake up at least 2-3 times a night due to just being uncomfortable, and then I realize that I have to go pee. I sometimes wonder why my body is generating so much liquid even if I haven't drank anything since dinner. It's still a mystery to me. I also wake up a lot from dreams. Some are scary, some are just outright weird. My favorite one is a dream I had a couple of days ago. I was walking on the street and picked up some cash on the ground. Then as I continued to walk, I found more money, and then more, and then some more. The amounts varied from dollar bills to hundred dollar bills. It was weird, but I wished that dream would come true (it hasn't yet!).

Eating-wise, I have been fine (knock on wood!). Foods I love to eat I still continue to love, and foods I don't like, I still don't like. Nothing has really changed all that much except for eating rice for dinner. I've just started to dislike eating rice for dinner. I still can eat it but just don't care for it. Don't know why - eating rice for lunch though is perfectly fine. There is just something weird about dinner. When I was in my 1st trimester, I had morning sickness only during dinner time; all other times, I was fine. Weird. Baby Girl also kicks the most and hardest during dinner time. She must have a thing with this time of day!

The Power of 46

For most people, the number 46 is just a random, insignificant number. But not when you're pregnant and your baby's health and future depend on these 2 digits. 46 is the number of chromosomes a normal human being should have...anything less or more of the magic number means that there may be genetic abnormalities with your baby.

The risk of having a baby with genetic disorders increases with age. I first heard about these risks when my sister had her 2nd baby a couple of years ago and her doctor told her that she has an increased risk of having a baby with Down's syndrome - she was only 33. The news tormented her for weeks.

I absolutely feared that I would have to go through this process too and wished and wished that I wouldn't have to come to that road at all. When I took my 1st trimester screening test, I was given a 1 out of 630 chance of having a baby with Down's Syndrome. My blood test looked good and the NT scan measured 3.1mm. I felt good about my probability even though I've heard that some people had an 1 out 10,000 chance. By week 15, I took my 2nd trimester blood test. This blood test completes the screening. I felt confident and worry-free that everything would be fine.

I got my results from the genetic counselor of Mon, Jan 4. She told me my risk has now increased to an 1 out of 220 chance. I was devastated. How can this be? How can my risk increased by so much?! I decided to go through with an amino. I was able to get an appointment on Wed, the same week. I talked to my husband, cried, and got really scared. I hopped on the web the minute I got home that night to research. I looked for happy stories from message boards from mothers with worse risks than mine but still ended up with a normal baby.

I was not nervous on the day of the amnio procedure. A little pinch in the belly area, a little bit of discomfort, and nothing more. It lasted less than 1 minute. I went home to rest and was fine to go back to work the next day. But there was the 2 week wait, which was dreadful. It was hard to see the baby on the ultrasound, see the movements, and then have negative thoughts. What if? What if the baby is abnormal? It was such a sad thought. I was 17-18 weeks at that time, and loved everything about the baby. I wouldn't want to give up. The unknown was the worst thing in the world - I would never wish this on anyone, even my worst enemy.

I missed a phone call from Kaiser the Friday before MLK day. I picked up the message 50 minutes after the call was left and I was so angry at myself for having missed that call!! Though the message didn't leave much details, she did say that the results looked good. I felt a sense of relief. I replayed that message 4-5 times just to hear it again. I was ecstatic. I called the genetic counselor 1st thing on Monday. And the news was indeed good. Everything was normal, and I found out (upon my request) that I am going to have a GIRL! That day was a great day! I was on Cloud 9...or actually, I was on Cloud 46! Thank goodness!!

Happy Go Lucky

Being a longtime journal writer and a blogger, I regret that I haven't been documenting my pregnancy. Well, first of all, I was too afraid to write anything down. I don't want to jinx anything. I actually kept my pregnancy a secret for a long time. I didn't even tell my family until when I was 12 weeks along. Having suffered a miscarriage before, I don't want to get "too happy" and then be disappointed along the way. But now that I've passed my 1st trimester, I should not stress about everything and I guess it's still not too late to write....

I refused to take a home pregnancy test for the longest time because I didn't want to get disappointed again. But I tested the very morning before my flight to Paris on Oct 10. I got one of those digital tests and the result came back "Pregnant." I was scared and in disbelief. After so many negative test results in the past, I was shocked. Digital tests are more black and white, not like those with pink lines that are always open to interpretation, but they can still be wrong, right?? I boarded the plane, in denial. I had menstrual-like cramps all week so there was no way that I was pregnant!

I had a 2-hour lay-over in Chicago O'Hare airport and decided to stop by a McDonalds to get something to eat. I ordered a Happy Meal. The cashier said, "Boy or Girl?" When I first heard that, I was like..."WTH??" Does she know something?? How did she know that I was pregnant??!? I stood still. She repeated, "Boy or Girl? I responded, "It doesn't matter," without really understanding what and why she was asking. After my response, she then stuck a green little toy into the paper bag. Ooooooh.. so she was asking what toy I wanted (totally spaced out that I ordered a Happy Meal that comes with a toy....)!

Inside the bag, besides my Happy Meal, was a tiny Build-a-Bear stuffed animal. It was a green froggie. The label on the toy read, "Happy Go Lucky." I smiled to myself. My baby will be Happy Go Lucky. It's a sign. My froggie stayed with me throughout my whole Paris trip and continues to be my side. I'm saving the froggie for my baby. It will be baby's first toy. :)